Amber - thanks for sharing these candid reactions to EAG. I suspect they're fairly common reactions among many attendees.

I would just contextualize your reactions by pointing out that these reactions are very common in many young people attending conferences in any scientific field! I don't think most of them are unique to EA. Most are generic to almost any kind of intellectually focused conference.

When I was in grad school and in my early academic career, I attended a wide variety of conferences in cognitive science, machine learning, genetics, decision theory, evolutionary psychology, primatology, etc. Across all these fields, many young researchers had similar reactions to the conferences, concerning the reactions you mentioned -- high career stakes, imposter syndrome, confronting one's limitations, everything being busy and frantic, having some bad interactions, etc. The social challenges of conferences are especially acute for people (like me) with Aspergers, introversion, and/or social awkwardness.

So I think EAs need to be careful about a couple of things.

First, it's important for EAs to attend a variety of non-EA conferences, so we realize that a lot of the challenges of EA conferences aren't unique to EA, but are just generic to what happens when you put hundreds of smart, motivated, ambitious young adults together in the same space and time, jostling for status, opportunities, recognition, and connections.

Second, it's important for EAs not to over-correct our conference structures in reaction to these fairly common 'conference blues'. If there were easy ways to make conferences less demanding, stressful, and exhausting, other sciences would probably have already discovered and implemented them. EAs aren't likely to solve conference-planning problems that have eluded the best other sciences for decades. (Maybe we can, but I'm being Bayesian here.)

Having said that, EA conference do have one unusual challenge, as you mentioned: 'you spend a lot of time talking about depressing things'. That really is a unique part of EA. Many behavioral sciences conferences do spend a lot of time talking about 'social problems' that loom large within current political narratives, such as prejudice, discrimination, stereotyping, inequality, etc. But none of these are existential risks, so it's easy to act like they're Very Important Problems Indeed during the conference talks (e.g. at a typical social psychology conference), but to set them aside during evening socializing (since everybody knows they're not actually massive risks to our entire species and civilization.) By contrast, EA deliberately seek out large-scale, neglected, tractable problems, and this can impose unique emotional challenges during conferences. 

I think if EAs are concerned about making EA conferences more pleasant and rewarding, we should focus a fair amount of attention on this last issue - how to stay positive, social, and motivated even when the intellectual and emotional content of EA talks and discussion is uniquely alarming, and/or uniquely likely to induce 'empathy fatique'. 

Thanks, I really relate to this. It's helpful to hear about other people feeling similarly as I try to do a retrospective on the weekend and how to make things go better next time. 

I think another thing that can make it hard is guilt about the very fact that it feels hard. 'Surely this should be a good experience? Why can't I make it an unequivocally good experience?' is helpful for motivating me to be proactive about how to spend the weekend well. But they also bring guilt, and a feeling of being somehow broken. 

As a data point, I'm an extrovert / neurotypical person who has experienced almost everything you mentioned in this post (and also "conferences hard").

Most people I know have as well. I think we just don't talk about it as much publicly, but I've had many conversations where people are like "I wish EAG was one week instead of 2 days".

1. it's okay to cancel meetings if you're feeling overwhelmed. I have done it, people have done it to me and I think it's great.
2. you can always reach out to people after the conference to meet virtually. It is nice to meet people in person, but many of my most important connections have been established online.
3. normalize virtual conferences / boost them to the level of regular conferences: I think virtual conferences are more accessible and inclusive than in person ones.

Strongly upvoted. People massively underestimate how many EAs struggle emotionally and the consequences it has on their impact. It goes all the way up to the most senior people. They're willing to admit it privately, but few are brave enough to post about it publicly. We need more posts like this!

Chiming in with an elaboration/downstream to points you make and are perhaps specific for people who are first-timers to an EAG/new to EA. I came into the conference 'knowing' a few people but not having friends that I could just hang out with, or as another EA attendee put it, be comfortable asking to sit in silence for 20mins. The high stakes busy frantic vibes + not having chill hangs = always being on and getting super tired. Thankfully, my non-EAG partner was with me and we hung out together in the evenings and this really helped me, but I know other people didn't have the same affordance.

Thanks for writing this Amber! 2 quick points on the "comparing oneself negatively/being star-struck" theme:

1. It is so easy to forget that sometimes we are the people that other people look up to in that way ("Ohhhh, it's Amber Dawn, I see her comments so much on the Forum, she must really know a lot and be quite courageous, too"). It's also worth remembering that as long as we only look upwards, there is always someone smarter/more experienced/more powerful, all the way up to that one person that gets to actually enjoy the conference without these nagging thoughts. Except, wait! Plot twist: They probably think that way about someone else at the conference.

2. Somewhat ironically, if you are someone who suffers from this, going to conferences can actually help! You'll see Nobel prize winners lose their train of thought in a public speech. You'll see billionaires tripping over their own feet. You'll see CEOs ask students for directions to their speaker's lounge. You'll see if only briefly that they are also human, after all.

(or, in the slightly less elegant but undeniably more succinct words of a former colleague of mine: "These people sht and pss just like we do")

I think this kind of post is so important and should get highlighted on the front page every time shortly before an EAG. Just so people get reminded that this is a thing.

For a more personal addition:
I found EAG and now the days afterwards really difficult to navigate. It was my first (I've been to one EAGx before). I knew I was supposed to schedule 1:1s, but didn't, because I didn't really have a goal for EAG. I have a job that I like and want to keep doing for a bit. There was no particular question I had for anyone. I just wanted to be there, see a few talks, see some friends again, that's about it. 

At the same time, I felt so much pressure to "make the most of it". There's so much talk about what "the perfect amount of 1:1s" is, that "EAG is an incredible opportunity", almost like it's a "once-in-a-lifetime"-thing. I even got mocked by a few people for not scheduling more 1:1s. And it's just... really anxiety-inducing.

Really liked the idea of having a space where people are explicitly invited to sit with a stranger (and think this should be improved upon in the future), because it's a nice addition if you don't have a talk to attend but also didn't schedule something else in. 

So my takeaway is: It's okay that people have wildly different experiences at EAG. It's okay to not know what exactly you want to get out of the conference. And it's okay to just have a chill time there. 

Coming back to this a year later, I notice that I used to treat EAGs being emotionally exhausting as inevitable, but my most recent EAG (London 2024) was much less difficult.

My best guess about why is that I had previously been misinterpreting my emotional feedback and had an incorrect intuition about what part of the conference was most difficult for me. I wrote more about it on my shortform.

I can't agree more. I've been to 5 in-person EAG(x) events in total and none of them without problems.

During the conference, I am usually fine. The emotional stuff hits me afterwards, on my way home or the day after.

What to do about it? My plan for the next EAGx is to take at least two days off afterwards, probably even three. Last time I went back to work too quickly, I was very distractable for more than a week. I don't want to repeat this mistake - I have responsibilities outside of EA.

I'm so glad you made this post.

Firstly, Amber, thank you so much for sharing such an honest and introspective piece. I believe your courage in addressing these issues is a step towards making the community more welcoming, understanding, and supportive for everyone.

As someone dedicated to improving the well-being of animals and motivated by the present-day unfathomable horrors of factory farming, I find solace in the fact that the heavy emotional toll we experience mirrors our compassion and drive to make a difference. However, I've been in the animal advocacy and EA spaces for long enough to know that having these negative and overwhelming emotions are really toxic to our mental health and makes our work more unsustainable in the long term. I actively choose to focus on solutions, actions, and people that energize me now, not projects/people that I feel I should engage with for the greater good. Boundaries are something you must impose on yourself, not upon others. It's been an amazing cognitive/emotional switch and I'm happy to discuss it more with you if you are interested. :)

Once again, thank you for this reminder that it's okay to experience the spectrum of emotions associated with these important gatherings, and it's crucial to have these dialogues for the health of our community.